NEW YORK CITY – The class of 2020 will miss out on the typical flagship end-of-year events, including graduation and prom, thanks to the relentless impact of the COVID-19 pandemic, which has cancelled classes and all associated extracurricular activities for the remainder of the school year.
Along with this disappointment comes the necessity to reschedule more informal, “right of passage” type milestones, like smoking a cigarette or losing your virginity before college, which would typically take place in the back seat of the car after prom, or in an empty upstairs bedroom at an unsupervised graduation party.
“Right now we’re putting all options on the table,” said James Ryan, Senior Spokesman for Brooklyn City Schools.
Ryan said all seniors were being encouraged to report back with potential options, like if anyone’s Dad owns a shed out back or if they’ve come across a new discreet place to park.
Separated couples are encouraged to stay in close contact and advise each other if anyone’s parents go out of town.
Above all, Ryan said seniors should “be opportunistic.”
“The world’s changing, and though it might only be temporary, you don’t want to be that person who shows up to college a virgin,” Ryan said. “No one’s going to understand that, pandemic or no pandemic.”
Ryan said a message board was in the process of being set up for students to exchange “information and techniques” and said that websites like YouPorn and RedTube were still the best places to go if you’re not sure what to do.