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Criminal Not Sure What He’ll Do Now That Everyone is Home All The Fucking Time

One criminal said COVID-19 was “worse than a snow day” because “snow usually melts in a few days,” whereas there was no end in sight for the virus.

By wakeandwander , in Nation , at March 29, 2020 Tags:

LOS ANGELES – Among all the millions of people impacted by stay-at-home-orders brought on by COVID-19, criminals are having the hardest time, a new CNN report asserts.

With people around the world out of work and forced to stay home and self-isolate, opportunities for criminals to break in and steal other people’s valuables have been drastically reduced, plummeting them back into the life of poverty from which they came.

“I have worked so hard to get where I am,” one criminal said. “My kids didn’t grow up playing with other kids’ toys by accident. They deserve the best that other people’s money can buy.”

Asked by a reporter how COVID-19 was impacting his life, the criminal said it was “worse than a snow day” because “snow usually melts in a few days,” whereas there was no end in sight for the virus.

“Now I’m not sure what I’ll do,” he said. “Everyone is home all the fucking time.”

To prevent the criminal enterprise from collapsing, the report suggested giving them something else to ransack until things get back to normal. Top Democrats recommended targeting rich people with second homes until rich people with only one home start going back to work.

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